I Am Nathan
by flyingchimp
Summary: Nathan has been different for the last few days, and his life is going to change for ever. From Nathan POV, Peter POV, and other characters. After Invisible Thread


When i got up, my head was absolutely pounding...I could hear the tick tock of the clock in the background. Somehow...the clock seemed just WRONG... heh. ma came in earlier... the tie and suit was laid out. Green tie... she always got the color wrong. No wonder why dad always looked like an italian mafia... I secured the knot on my tie... I tried to remember what happened in the last few minutes, but for some weird reason, everything was blank. Strange.

I sat down in the couch, feeling rather conflicted. Pete had disappeared again...spouting some bs about needing some private time alone. I rubbed my forehead. The pounding headache that had plagued me for the last few days had eased up. Strange.

Everything had been wrong since Sylar died. Was it the sense that nothing was done, or that i somehow fulled unfullfilled. heh. maybe i needed to visit the ol' confession booth again. A wide grin crossed my face as i prepared to call my first contributer from my crackberry.

Who, precisely had first called my blackberry a crackberry? Was it pete? Heh, probably, the typical nurse... Ma always said that Peter was sent to guard me from my dark side...

I slammed my hand down on my desk, and watched entranced as it crashed through the glass top and became spiked through by glass. I pulled it out, entranced. I hadn't felt so lost since the explosion since Peter first died. Strange that i felt the emptiness now, especially since peter was sleeping in the next room, safe. sound. protected.

Or was he? I had to rush. Check on him. There was his body, breathing. Up, down, his hair sprawled across his pillow. I immediately relaxed. there was something relaxing about watching pete. Seeing him always made me feel better, even when he was a baby, rosy cheeked and blue eyed. His eyes soon changed color of course... Peter turned over and gazed at me. Something inside of me made me...

. Hatred. Filled me. I looked away.

Peter gazed at me with his eyes. A voice whispered in my head. cow eyes. empty. worthless of power. stupid. I squinted my eyes hard forcing it out of my head. This. wasnt. f-ing. me.

Are you okay? peters voice filled the room, bringing me out of my pit of depair.

Yeah. Fine.

Dude. What happened to your hand?

The coaster slipped. Lies, floating out of my mouth, effortlessly. Heck, i was a politician. Lying was who I was. Why then did it feel so wrong? A buzzing had filled my ears as i said it. wrong. wrong. wrong.

Nathan. Let me look at your hand.

Its fine.

Nathan. Really. Its bloody.

Its not mine. Why am I lying again? why?

Nathan. What happened?

I...Claire slipped. She fell through my table. Clumsy girl.

Nathan. She's your daughter

I rubbed my face again. I know Pete. She is. I helped her up. Good thing she can heal huh?

Nathan. look at me.

I looked up, into peters eyes. His cow eyes.

Nathan. Really. Somethings up with you.

Nothings up. Just work, Sylar, the whole thing.

Sylar?

Sylar. Yeah.

I sometimes get the feeling he's not gone.

My breath caught in my throat.

Do you?

I responded.

Pete. He's gone. Forever. He aint coming back.

He worries you though

Yeah. I rubbed my face again. He worries everyone. Pete. He's gone. Trust me.

Pete smiled. I somehow felt better. More like me. Not like... I shook my head. nah.

I smiled.

Pete.

Yeah?

Pete...lets save the world

_Sylar dead, gone forever. Finally after so long the menace of our lives a shadow that plagued us gone. What should I feel? Happiness, joy, relief? And yet...a voice nagging, saying somethings not right he's not dead. I know it's not true i say his body go up in flames never to become a threat to my family again. But there was good in sylar he saved me from my father and welcomed me as a brother..._

_I need air, to do something else and get away from these morbid thoughts. I decided to take some time alone for a walk and to test my new powers. Kinda ironic we needed Sylar to kill Sylar. Maybe I'm just worried of becoming like Sylar again seduced by power and hunger and I can't fight. I can't let that happen I won't let that happen._

_I feel all this power burning within me ia, lightning, fire, and so much more waiting to be used, demanding attention..._

_Later that night I am groggily awoken by Nathan. I turned to stare up at him and see revulsion and hatred. Almost as if...then I see his hand bloodied with a piece of glass sticking out. I ask him about it but he waves it off like it's nothing there seems to be something wrong with Nathan something I can't put my finger on._

_Pete...let's save the world_

_I look up at Nathan and smile in his eyes the shadow that plagued him had vanished and my regular bro was back._

_Ok Nathan but let's fix ur hand up first_

I pull back. Whoa. Disturbing dreams. Sylar reclining from a couch, mocking me. mocking me. mocking me. Just how alike are we? we arent alike. no. not.

Pete! Looking at me with fear.

Pete!

Nathan. What is wrong.

Nothin' Pete. Nothin'

Really. Look at your hand Nathan. Look at it.

My eyes. Travel down, to the bloody mess that is my hand. Almost identical to the wound this afternoon. Almost. The one that disappeared so fast. Strange. I look at it even more closely, bringing it up to my face, turning it, inspecting every facet in it.

My dream. Sylar. Slamming me into a table over and over again. My wounds healing. Him yelling at me.

My lips move.

Get out of my body. Get out.

My dream. Sylar throwing me through a window. I cant fly. He's taking something of mine. What is me. I struggle under his weight, the concrete coming closer and closer. i have never been so afraid of the ground as i have been now. The ground contains a solid truth, something concrete and undeniable.

Peter.

NATHAN! his voice. its screaming at me. NATHAN GET UP. i think. pete. whats wrong. im fine. i swear.

frozen on the ground. I see him pull the glass out of my hand. The flesh knits together. Whole. Strange.

Something that only a few people can do. Claire. My brain struggles for oxygen. Pete. Sylar. I feel compressions on my chest. Strange.

Has my heart stopped? whats wrong with me? what?

Pete is sobbing now. I wish i could reach up and touch his hair. Pete. Im not dead. Im. not. dead.

Miraculously. Strangely, my frozen arm reanimates. It reaches up, almost in a claw. Its trying to choke peter. I roll over. My hand cannot betray me. Its mine!

My voice utters out of my locked jaw.

Pete.

His eyes widen. Tears glistening on his cheek.

Nathan.

Pete. I love you.

NATHAN! he screams. I turn my head away. Then i push myself up. tap him on the shoulder, and ruffle his hair.

Pete. Im not dead.

Nathan. His voice sobs, and the voice in my head states. weak. kill Nathan. whats the matter nathan? His voice brings me back to reality.

Pete. Look at me... somethings. wrong. Horribly wrong.

tears. frozen on his cheek.

Dont worry nathan. dont worry.

I smile. embrace him.

Pete. I love you

I love you too nathan.

_I carefully remove the glass and bandage the wound. Nathan's eyes have become distant again filled with shadows and I worry. Before I can think longer on it I recieve a call from Mohinder and leave the room. Crashing noises begin in Nathan's room almost as if someone was fighting him. Impossible no one had come in._

_Nathan? I call out and open the door. There he is falling out the window fear lives on his face and he falls and falls never flying. I rush to his side as the ground appears ever nearer calling hysterically for an ambulance for someone to call 911 as Nathan's body hits the ground._

_"Get up Nathan! Come on don't leave me" I yell at him his pulse is weak. I pull some glass out of his hand as though that would cure him. As though that could save him from the inevitable death. I preform cpr hoping an ambulance would arrive soon that everything will be ok. I cry my brother dead when we finally made peace finally defeated a foe. I think I hear him say something._

_Nathan! Plz be alive don't die Nathan I need you ur my brother. Then the miraculous he reaches up and tousles my hair. How how could he survive? I see his wounds healing fast did Sylar have the ability to heal others too?_

_"Pete. Look at me... somethings. wrong. Horribly wrong." he says. There will be time to think of what happened later. I'm embraced by my brother and silently thank God apperently he still is out there._

_"Pete. I love you"_

_"I love you too nathan." I help Nathan as he limps inside debating wether to call family or an ambulance first._

_"Pete what happened?" he asks me as I lay him on the couch._

_"Later Nathan first things first I need to call an ambulance and mom." _

peter. going to call the ambulance. He knows i hate hospitals. Always has. He knows that. How could he forget? He almost died.

Pete. No. NO

Nathan. youre hurt.

no. im fine.

pete starts to sob. huge racking sobs fill his body.

Pete. Its fine

no, nathan. Its not. Nothing is this? Me. You? Sylar?

pete. stop. I grab his sholder. Lift myself up. I ignore the pains that run through my body. I squeeze his shoulder even tighter. Im standing now. Funny. My brother and I are the same height. I notice his eyes running up and down my body. For some reason, i become furious. I. want to kill him.

Nathan...whats that? His terrified...infantile i shake my head. his terrified voice makes me look down. A rib is sticking out of my chest at an impossible angle. Nausea twists my stomach. Funny. Didnt even feel it.

Pete. Im fine

His eyes widen even further.

Nathan.

Yeah?

You're healing. I put a hand to my chest,and feel the rib position itself back where it first belongs. I gasp.

I hear a gasp that doesnt belong to me or peter.

Its ma. She's leaning on the doorway. Almost fainting. Peter rushes to her. With peters support gone, i waver, and the blood rushes to my head

Ma.

Nathan. my poor baby.

Ma. Im fine.

My mother hugs peter, then looks back at me. What? My head pounds. pounds, ferociously. An alien voice invades my thoughts. a family. people who love you. you...bastard. manipulating them to serve your own purposes. they hate you. dont you feel her suspicious glare on you now? A look up indeed proves the voice right. I clutch my head. I scream GET OUT. At the voice. At ma. At Peter.

I lock my jaw tight quickly, strangling the words that would mark me as a madman. Political suicide. Must. not lose control. why so serious? a loving family... I feel Pete and Ma's gazes on me. I must look like a fool, crouched over the stool, clutching my chest. I straighten up. I cant. I cant show weakness. Weakness is the fall of the great. A smile crosses my face, and i struggle to keep up my confident demeanor. Without it, who am I? Am i me?

Pete rushes to me, checks under my shirt. I close my eyes, and will away the visions of violence. He is my brother. I love him. When he dies, i die. the voice mocks me really? what a brother. he abandoned you. he left you to die. with me... it rises and rises into derisive laughter.

I place my glasses. Adjust my tie. Last night must never happen again. Took enough lying to convince Ma that nothing happened, that it was just a nightmare. Every lie caused me pain. What am i? If i cant lie? Peter looks at me, wonder. confusion filling his stupid little face. I rub the back of my head. The suit carreses me, the trappings of my office.

I know who I am. I am Nathan Petrelli. Senator. Congressman. Father. Friend. Brother. Son. Flyingman.

The lost word sounds different. I glance behind me and see Parkman.

I remember. A smile crosses my face. Friend. He is a true soul, honest in ways i can never be. Honest in love. Honest in hate. My smile is gone now. I have noticed lines in my old friends face that wasnt there before.

I stride up to him.

Fastening my last cuff link, feeling the cool metal under my fingers, recalling the day i got them.

A storm in the background. A day at the beach gone wrong. My fortieth birthday. Hiedi and the boys laying in the sand as i raise a beer to my mouth, watching the waves of the sea crash up and down. Up and down, the surf rising and falling. A lightbulb goes off, and an amatuer photographer runs away. Supressing a grimace of annoyance, i instead turn and smile.

I hear a voice

Thats your crocodile smile Nathan.

Peter.

I turn to face him. He's barefoot, dressed in burmuda shorts and little else.

I look like a congressmans brother nathan?

I reach up, touch the still healing scar.

Im sorry Pete

He lifts his finger touches it and laughs.

What for nathan? This was all me.

Pete. I didnt get to you soon enough.

Nathan. You regret that you couldnt keep the press from finding out.

His beautacious smile fades into a frown. I wish he knew. I wish that he knew. My frantic fumblings for the keys, for the phone, for my wallet, wasnt for my career. But for him. I knew that something had happened to him. I knew it, yet i didnt stop it... my brother got hurt cause of me.

Nathan!

I smile.

Is it the crocodile one again, Pete?

Nathan. No. Its you.

Pete. I love you.

Nate, the boys have a present for you. I accept a crudely wrapped carboard box. I open it, and find matches.

Nathan, your passion. Nate, that was from Dad. He may be a bit upset with you now.

I open it, and find cufflinks. I throw back my head and laugh. Dad had freed a known criminal. Linderman.

Nathan, remember what he did to you that day?

Pete. I dont care. All I remember is that I took his cufflinks and his rings and flushed them all down the toilet. I remember. I was free.

Nathan.

Yeah, Pete?

Nathan, you were drunk?

When does any of that matter, Pete? Im not perfect. I meant it. Pete stares at me, a little shocked at my admission of my flaws. I laugh and take another swig of alcohol. Giggling. Remembering.

Parkman stares at me. My mind goes blank. A sudden fury races through me. I dont want to supress it. I can see that. In his dark eyes. There is guilt. He caused all my troubles.

Parkman! what did you do to me? I lift him in the air by his jacket, noticing how easy it is.

He wriggles in the air, gasping and choking like a worm.

Nathan! I didnt do anything

I clutch even harder. Snarl under my breath.

Lier.

Nathan. His voice takes a tone of command. One I reconize from my old captians. The way they would order me. Seaman, drop your charge. I feel parkman slip through my fingers and I sag against the wall, all my fury and strength gone.

Pete rushes up to me, snarls at Parkman.

What did you do?

Ma stands back. Afraid. Of what? I raise my head, and she cringes. Is she afraid of me? Why? mothers promise you. to stay by your side, to love you, no matter what. Its a lie. you cant trust anyone i almost believe it for a minute. Prepare to fly out of there and run. To flee. To escape. But then Peter. No one would protect him from Ma. Nor from anyone else.

Parkman is trying to defend himself to Peter know. I know that Parkman did a mind mojo thing to me. Somehow, I know i should be enfuriated, but i simply dont care.

Pete.

Yeah.

Its not Parkman

He shouldnt have done that to you.

He wont ever again

Nathan...

Pete, relax. Im fine. One of the greatest lies of all, yet it causes me no pain. Im fine, sure. Physically. Mentally? No.

I gotta go.

Nathan. You arent in any state-

Ma shut up. She shuts up, shocked that i would utter such a thing. Parkman glares at me with suspicion, and i feel an insidious influence crawling about in my mind. I want nothing more for him to STOP. My fists clench, and i feel a soaring in my stomach. Am i flying? No. But something feels right. Right as it never felt before. I raise my hand and point it at Parkman.

What am i doing? I lower it. Why is there so much fear? So much suspicion? I cant deal with this now. I raise my phone. Run toward my scenic view. Feel the glass crack and finally shatter. I drop the phone at watch it bemusely fall to the ground and break apart. I let myself fall for a while, the wind whistling through my hair. my clothing. My tie whips being me.

Must get it off. I rip it off.

I fly. A boom follows close behind me. I cruise for a while. I feel more right in days. Other than that moment in the room. Was that right as well? For someone else, but not for me. Thats not right.

I feel Peter following close behind. I somehow feel that he is the only one who can help me now. Brothers. power

No. I am done with power. I wanted to serve my country. I did it.

Landing. Running on the treetops, slowing down, stratching myself, but healing. I could always heal in the air. I survived that way when Peter exploded. I smile. As long as I fly, I am me. Invincible. superman Indeed. Peter exploding. A common joke during our childhood. who knew it would ever happen? I rub my chin, remembering the day I got it.

Directing the controls of my plane. The radio tower calling in. Niner zero whisky bravo foxtrot ait come in. come in niner sero whiskey bravo foxtrot ait. come in my code. my number. I direct the plane toward the navy base. The near indestructable destroyer. You know what they say, something undestructable never is. Right before i land. I notice a spinning torpedo aimed directly at the base. Why didnt the radar pick it up? I tilted the aircraft away, and the ship exploded behind me. Seamen, officers, dabtoes, all dead. I was the only survivor of that navy batallion. My plane struck. The whole thing shuddered. I black out, wake up in the hospital weeks later. My mother, father there. No peter. Ma sobs her eyes out when she sees me touch my white chin. My father, stoic as ever.

Son, we got the best plastic surgeons in the country.

Idiot! i almost yell. I dont care about my chin. Where is peter? Safe? where is he. where.

my father senses that i dont want him. he pulls Ma to his side and strides out of the hotel room. Hours. Minutes later. I feel a tug on my sheet. Dopey with pain, i turn, and gaze into my brothers face.

Pete. that you?

Nathan. yeah. its me

why did it take you so long to get here? You okay.

He chuckles, a bit morbidly.

Classic nathan.

Pete, whats the matter with you?

Took so long because i knew you needed something. He drops a wriggling bundle in my lap. I feel that it is alive, but i have to struggle up to get a closer look. A kitten. All black, with white paws.

Pete, whats this?

The cats coloring is called a tuxedo. I thought you would understand.

Pete, i cant be a politcian. Im scarred now.

That didnt stop some of the greatest men in history. You cant let it stop you.

Pete-

Nathan, look at the cat.

I peer at the kitten. It looks fine, until i wave my hand in front of it. It doesnt blink.

Pete. its not.

Nathan. Its blind.

Pete... its blind.

Nathan. You didnt go to West Point because of me. You could have been safe. But you stayed home. For me.

Pete. I had to. You couldnt see.

You could have left me. You didnt.

Pete-

Shut up nathan. Take the cat.

I smiled as i remembered. That cat. So bold. Bold enough to cross a busy street and survive. Bold enough to face a hawk. Strange then, that it tumbled into a toilet and drowned.

I stop. here it is. My cabin. the one Pete and i built with our two bare hands. Mine. No money. No press. Just me.

I feel a tap on my shoulder. I know without looking that its Pete.

Hey Pete.

Nathan. You know that you cant escape me.

I dont want to Pete. I dont want to.

What are you going to do?

Im going to stay here for a few weeks. Stay or leave your choice.

they cant reach me. they wont... cant find me.

Pete-

Nathan. I know. I wont tell anyone.

Tell Ma that I love her.

I wont. Im staying with you.

Pete- you have a life. Claire

Doesnt need me. Shes grown up now.

I roll back my head.

Pete, i need some time alone.

We need to spend some time together. well, cant argue there. i can barely believe the things ive done this year.

Pete?

Yeah Nathan?

Im sorry.

I know Nathan.

_I walked into Nathan's office where he lounged on the couch. Sylar suddenly appeared next to Nathan his face enraged._

_He slammed Nathan into the coffee table while I stood helpless, paralyzed by the dream. Then he threw Nathan out of a window while Nathan simply gazed upon him a startled expression on his face. I walked toward the window next to Sylar laughing maniacally. You bastard I whispered as Nathan fell like a leaf in a breeze with a plop on the ground._

_You stupid bitch you thought you could control me make me your son. You were wrong. He gave a derisive snort before disappearing. Peter was on the ground sobbing and yelling at Nathan._

_With a gasp I sat up in bedroom my cheeks wet with tears. This couldn't be happening wasn't happening. Matt was supposed to save Nathan the dreams aren't wrong. I hurl myself at the door, I needed to stop Sylar and save my son. I called Parkman during my wild flight to Nathan._

_"Hello?"_

_"Matt this is Angela Petrelli I need your help Nathan is in trouble. It's Sylar."_

_"Where is he?" He asks with a sigh._

_"At his office." I hang up quickly and go to his office. Maybe it wasn't too late maybe...I fling the door open and gasp. Nathan bloody and leaning on Peter. A rib sticking out of his chest healing. I lean against the door suddenly dizzy and Peter rushes to me._

_"Ma?" Nathan called forlornly._

_"Nathan. My poor baby." I almost weep seeing what Sylar has done to him._

_That bastard deserved to die slowly and painfully._

_"Ma I'm fine." Nathan says. I hug Peter but give a worried glance at Nathan how did I know if Sylar wasn't going to break lose? He didn't seem to be able to die._

_Nathan looks up warily "GET OUT" he yells while holding his head. He then straightens up and gives a weak smile. I can only imagine the battle he is having with Sylar. Peter rushes over to Nathan and checks his chest wound while Parkman quietly enters the room. Nathan opens his eyes and turns to Parkman a smile on his face. Just as quickly the smile vanishes as he looks into his eyes and is replaced by fury._

_He lifts Parkman up easily snarling but it's not Nathan it's not my Nathan._

_Nathan I didn't do anything he gasps. The idiot he was going to ruin everything with his goodwill. Too bad their wasn't someone more easily controllable, more...morally grey. Parkman uses his telepathy on Nathan. Nathan drops him and sags along the wall drained._

_"What did you do to Nathan?" Peter snarls._

_"I didn't do anything." Parkman yells at Peter._

_I stand back as the situation spirals out of control. I can see Nathan barely in control I couldn't lose him not again. What have I gotten into? All my plans for my family to bring them together ruined by that pest. What if he kills Nathan and Peter?_

_Nathan gives a swift glance at me his face written with despair._

_"Pete?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"It's not Parkman."_

_"He shouldn't have done that to you."_

_"He won't ever again."_

_"Nathan..."_

_"Pete, relax. I'm fine. I gotta go."_

_"Nathan. You aren't in any state-" I needed to keep him here and get rid of Sylar._

_"Ma shut up." Nathan says his eyes hard, distrustful. I shut up and am taken aback. Those eyes I know that Sylar isn't looking out of them but Nathan. He raises his hand confidently at Parkman but then shakes himself. He breaks through the glass and disappears into the sky. What have I done?_

_"What's going on?" Peter demands his fist balled in anger and confusion._

_"Nothing that concerns you Peter." I saw calmly while my mind is racing._

_"BS. I have a right to know he's my brother and your son. We're a family mom I thought that meant something to you. Obviously I was wrong." He gave one last angry look at us and then flew after his brother._

_"What now?" Parkman asks._

_"We wait." Peter an probably placate Nathan but now he was angry at me too. This could make things all the more difficult. My family finally together and now lost. I grabbed the phone and called Noah._

_I walked down the allyway, headed home. I played with the water that collected on the side a little, thinking through my day. I moved my backpack to the other shoulder. Gah, sometimes high school really sucks. The one other person that I knew of who could do something out-of-the-normal was Liz. Gah, she's a rude person. I turned the corner and looked up at the famous Petrelli office. That over-glorified senator.I rolled my eyes and walked on. Behind me a I heard someone falling. I turned to see the senator, just as he hit the concrete. I imediatly turned myself into a puddle. Its wierd, being in water form, I cant only see things in black and white. Moved closer, cautiously. Petrelli was alive. How the heck was that possible? I watched as his brother heped him up. If I wasnt water, I would puke at the sight of his rib poking out. I watched as he pushed it back in. The wound healed. Im fine, Pete. His lips read. Well, Pete looked doubtfull of that. I watched the family feude a while longer, then rolled down the sidewalk and changed back into human form. So, Petrelli can heal huh? Well, Im glad someone else is a freak. Cool power, though._

_I begin to call 911 but Nathan stops me._

_"Pete. no. NO."_

_"Nathan you're hurt."_

_"No. I'm fine." Nathan says but I can feel that strange tingling sensation as before. With startling clarity I realize that he's lying that he has been lying. Suddenly I'm weary of fighting, of arguing of everything. I just want to go to sleep and wake to find everything ok. There's no one I need to save or run from. No terror to face how long has it been since I was happy really, truly happy? God, I can't remember._

_"Pete. It's fine." I look up at Nathan and wipe off the streaming tears that seemed to come from nowhere._

_"No, Nathan. It's not. Nothing is okay. What's this? Me. You? Sylar?"_

_"Pete. stop." Typical Nathan evading the answer, heck it's typical of my family. Has there ever been a time when my parents weren't manipulating us? There was a time I trusted them, believed them...but now? Now I'm not sure if I can ever trust them._

_" Nathan...what's that? I look down and see a rib jutting out of Nathan's chest and begin to regret not calling 911. Nathan looks at it astonished that his rib was there._

_"Pete. I'm fine." Why does he keep saying that? He just fell from a window for no reason and didn't fly. He should be dead but he's not. Everything was NOT fine. Yet to my unbelieving eyes Nathan's wound begins to heal itself._

_"Uh Nathan?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"You're healing." Nathan looks down at his chest and gasps a similar gasp comes from the door. Mom she looks faint. I rush over and help support her. Mom worries about Nathan but he again waves it off as fine. Mom hugs me her eyes filled with tears and apprehension. "Mom he's going to live." I whisper to her._

_"GET OUT!" Nathan yells at us before visibly collecting himself. I rush over to Nathan to check his wound. It's fully healed how did he do that? Nathan closes his eyes and smiles to himself as though he were far away._

_Matt enters the room, he gets a nod from Mom, then walks over to Nathan. What's going on? Why is Matt here? Nathan glances at Matt and suddenly begins strangling him._

_" Parkman! what did you do to me?" Nathan demands snarling at him._

_"Nathan! I didn't do anything." he gasps. I look over at Mom and see her give a brief look of annoyance. What has Matt gotten himself into? I see Matt use powers on Nathan which leaves him drained._

_" What did you do?" I snarl at Matt._

_"I didn't do anything!" he yells back. I feel a tingling when he says that. What the kirby plaza is going on here?_

_"Pete." Nathan says and turn to look at him._

_"Yeah?"_

_"It's not Parkman." It may not be Parkman but he's in on whatever scheme that Mom has concocted up._

_"He shouldn't have done that to you." Whatever that is...I glare accusingly at Matt._

_"He won't ever again."_

_"Nathan..."_

_"Pete, relax. I'm fine." Jeez does this guy ever give up this lie? Well at least his wounds seemed to be healed._

_"I gotta go."_

_"Nathan. You aren't in any state-"_

_"Ma shut up." Mom shuts up the tears still glistening and a look of regret and despair passes over her face. I turn and look at Nathan he's pointing his palm at Matt almost as if he was..._

_Nathan shakes his head then crashes through the window into the freedom beyond. Matt looks shaken and guilty. I turn to Mom._

_"What have you done?" I ask her furious. Her face takes on a new resolve._

_"Nothing that concerns you Peter." Nothing. That. Concerns. Me? This is the final straw and pushed me over the edge._

_"BS. I have a right to know he's my brother and your son. We're a family mom I thought that meant something to you. Obviously I was wrong." I thought we would be a family again together and happy. It seems that my families manipulating will never end. I was a fool to think it could. I run towards the window and fly out._

_The sun is warm and the air streams into my face down below I see a girl walking next a puddle she was carrying a backpack and smiling to herself. It wasn't hard to follow Nathan to our old summer cabin I smile as I remember building it with my brother..._

_"Nathan look at this I found the perfect place!" I call out to him and it was the perfect place. The dappled trees created a golden light, there was a small clearing a newly felled log was in the way. If you turned around you could see the mountains in their glory. The clearing was peaceful with only the sound of the sighing breeze, a tinkling brook, and few birds calling out._

_"This is the perfect place Pete." He smiled as we sat on the log, eating sandwiches, and enjoying the peace. It took many summer days full of laughter and jokes to finish the cabin. It may not have been the best one but to us it was a work of art. As a tradition we returned here every summer and worked on it some more. A better roof, some furniture, a little stove, everything we needed was here. It was our home away from the world._

_I tapped Nathan on the shoulder._

_"Hey Pete."_

_"Nathan. You know that you can't escape me."_

_"I don't want to Pete. I don't want to."_

_"What are you going to do?"_

_"I'm going to stay here for a few weeks. Stay or leave your choice."_

_"They can't reach me. They wont... can't find me." I stare at him should I stay or go back and confront Mom? I grimace at the thought._

_"Nathan. I know. I won't tell anyone."_

_"Tell Ma that I love her."_

_"I won't. I'm staying with you."_

_"Pete- you have a life. Claire" A life? My family became before any semblance of a normal life I could manage right now. And Claire? I almost smile._

_"Doesn't need me. She's grown up now." And who needs an uncle when you have two fathers I might add._

_"Pete, I need some time alone."_

_"We need to spend some time together. We well, can't argue there. I can barely believe the things I've done this year."_

_"Pete?"_

_"Yeah Nathan?"_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"I know Nathan."_

_We head into the cabin a bit dusty from disuse._

_"Pete somehow I thought it looked better than this." I laugh at him._

_"That's what you say every time we come back." We laugh together just like old times and set about cleaning the place up. We lay out some chairs in front of the cabin and watch the sun set._

_"Nathan?" I ask breaking the companionable silence._

_"Yeah?"_

_"What happened back there with you and Matt?" Nathan sighs and looks out into the mountains._

_"Pete I think something's wrong with me."_

_"Wrong with you?"_

_"Yeah I haven't been feeling myself almost like someone else."_

_"Who?" I ask suddenly dreading the answer._

_"Almost as if...it's silly it's probably nothing." Nathan gave a little laugh at himself and went inside. I stayed out looking into the mountains well after dark, worried._

_Everything was definitely Not fine._

he sky grew dark, and i felt sleep take hold of me. pete was outside, probably glaring gloomily into the campfire... some boy scouts we were. I felt tired, the days events crushing me like a vise. I felt trapped. I had to escape peter. i had to be alone. i couldnt sleep. not with the nightmares. no, more like dreams of the past. dreams of another life, another childhood.

i stepped outside, breathed in the mountain air, and stabilized myself. Collected myself. Used a few bushido calming techniques to center my focus. Yes, the past week or so, i hadnt felt like myself. it was time to return though. I felt calm. collected. the tension of the past week had healed with every minute i spent in the air. I checked on peter, then took off. I could see his still body down below, still and frozen with sleep. i had to be alone. i had to think.

the sky was pure darkness, but there was light if i went high enough. I passed through the first layer of clouds, feeling the frozen precipitation condense on my skin. my clothes. my glasses. From here. At forty thousand feet, i could see the sun, locked in a pernament dawn. I hovered, and closed my eyes. For the first moment since the last time i did this, the voice was silent.

Every since i had arrived at my refuge, the voice had been insistently commenting on everything. every little damn thing. I was never alone, and i had started to believe that i never would again until, losing my temper, i flew off into the dark, higher than i had ever gone before. here, i started to experiment. i could do things that i couldnt do before, and i should have never been able to do them. I clenched my hands into fists, and listened. A drop of rain from miles away. A cricket chirping from another continent. was it the air? maybe.

i suddenly dropped from the sky. i looked at myself hard. i couldnt be like this. head floating in the clouds. i had to get back, and... never fly outside a plane again. never. i will be normal. i will be me. with the low, low cost of denying myself. I drop down to the cabin. Stand over peters still sleeping face. take a deep breath, sigh, look off into the rising sun. I pick up the humvees keys and prepare to leave.

the radio flickers on. i step on the gas. the announcer is stating low fast. Nathan Petrelli, the Senator of New York, has mysteriously disappeared. there is no clue to his whereabouts, and his family refuses to comment. police are investigating... i smile, and click off the radio. i drive in silence. without the voice. my emotions are a frozen wasteland. things are the way they are supposed to be. I stop at a ****y roadside diner. I wave the waitress over. I smile.

Hey.

Sir, what would you like to drink?

nothing please. may i borrow the phone?

sir why?

im nathan petrelli. i raise my chin. i feel pride in my name. my mouth is crocidile like. i vaguely notice the waitress skittering away, suddenly warned away by some animal instinct about me.

im the senator of new york. i have been missing for the past few days. may i use the phone to call my assistant?

certainly sir.

thank you.

Josh, my campaign advisor picks me up a hour later. I turn, smile at the other diners.

Vote Petrelli

waving, i step into the car. power power

_I woke up with a crick in my neck. I began to stretch but paused. The cabin seemed quiet a little too quiet...Nathan wasn't inside and the bed was disused. I rush outside and see the humvee is gone, fresh tire marks on the soil. F*** And he said he wasn't trying to escape me. Yeah right but now what will I do? I felt like a fly stuck in my family's web. In the end I decided to go see Matt._

_"Hello?" I call out while knocking on the door. I see Matt walk up playing with a baby. I feel bad for him caught up in this mess when he has a family, a son to take care of._

_"Peter"_

_"Matt we need to talk." He looks down at his son and then closes the door. I put a hand out to stop it. "Matt he's my brother I need to know if something is wrong with him." Matt sighs but let's me in. He goes to the back and sets his son down. I close the front door._

_"Peter I'm sorry." he says and uses his power on me. Everything seemed to dim and then I felt something snap within me. I feel strength fill me and I straighten up my nose bleeding from the effort of stopping Matt. It's not strength I feel but an all-consuming hunger for power. I clutch my head as I hear a tick tock whispering in my ear._

_"Peter are you all right?" Matt asked. I glance up at Matt practically glowing with power._

_"No but I will be." I say and hold my finger out. Matt looks at it in horror and begins to scream with the pain. I stop when I heard a baby crying it jolted me out of my power-craze. This was Matt my friend I couldn't wouldn't kill him. I look down at my hands in horror then fly away ._

_I had wanted to kill my friend I cringe. I would've too if the baby hadn't reminded me of my humanity. No it wasn't me that wanted to kill him it was the hunger. No one would be safe from me now I needed to stay away from everyone until I can control it._

_I was a threat to my family and friends I couldn't allow that. I stepped into a busy street and bumped into a suitable replacement identity. I slipped out of the crowd andd into the alley. Here marks the end of Peter Petrelli I thought as I flew away. I shifted into the new body: a few inches taller than me, spiky dirty blond hair, sparkling blue-grey eyes, a charming smile, and in his twenties. This was the beginning of Chris...Chris Rowan. Now I just needed to escape the power._

_I had settled down in a little town in the middle of nowhere. I bought a little apartment and became a nurse. I did what I did best try to help people. Everything was going fine for a while until..._

_I had just ended my shift at the local hospital and was walking towards my car when I saw Noah walking towards me. I turned and walked a different direction trying to calm my thoughts. Noah caught up to me. I took a deep breath and faced him, a smile on my face._

_"Can I help you?"_

_"Yes, I'm looking for this man by the name of Peter Petrelli." he stated and my pulse quickened. I smile apologetically._

_"Peter Petrelli? Sorry I don't know anyone by that name."_

_"So this picture means nothing to you then?" He holds out a picture to me and I take it. It's of Nathan drinking in his office. He looks worse for wear. My resolve almost crumbles I almost admit to being Peter. But I remember my anger at Mom and the hunger. There was nothing for me there._

_"Sorry but I can't help you." I hand back the picture to Noah and turn to leave._

_"But you can Peter." He calls out. I feel something hit my back knocking me down as the world goes black..._

_I wake up in one of the cells at Nathan's Special Operations Headquarters. I change back into my old body no need to hide anymore. The door opens and Nathan steps in. I turn away from him._

_"Nathan leave I don't want to hurt you."_

_"I will, brother, but first I think you have something of mine." He smiles and raises his finger to my forehead. I scream in agony..._

_"You're not my brother." I pant as my head heals._

_"No I'm not. He stole my mind, my body from me like the parasite he is."_

_"You're lying." I spit at him._

_"Lying Peter? I'm not lying and you know it. I killed your precious Nathan. Thanks to you your mother and Parkman were able to turn me into...this" he gestures at Nathan's body with a sneer. I know what he's saying is true. There's no tingling and it explains everything. Mom's weird looks at Nathan, Matt's guilt, and Nathan's strange behavior. I had suspected that Sylar was alive and I think I knew that he was Nathan. Yet I...denied tried to fool myself into thinking otherwise. Here was now to exact revenge on me and my family like he did to Nathan. I sit on the bench and hold my head in my hands._

_"The hunger it's destroying you isn't it?" Sylar askes bemusedly, "You can't fight it Peter. Soon you will be like me."_

_"You? I. Will. Never. Be. Like. You!" I yell and lunge at Sylar. He easily tks me to the wall._

_"But Pete you already are." He throws a bead, he's been fingering, at me before strolling out the door, grinning. I slide down the wall to the ground. The world seemed a different place._

_I pick up the bead on the ground and remembered Graciela. She had big brown eyes and wavy brown hair. She was very pretty and we had become close friends quickly. I remembered that one awful day after dinner she had wanted to show me something._

_"Chris I want to show you something."_

_"What?" I ask as she leads me into the living room._

_"Just don't freak-out." She says as she puts her hand on the sofa. One moment is was there the next it was gone._

_"Did you just turn invisible?"_

_"Invisible? No I can change the color and texture of my skin like a chameleon or...an octopus. "Isn't that neat?"_

_"Very." I respond and as fast as lightning she's against the wall her head being cut open. I watched in horror as I studied her brain and took her power at the price of death..._

this is a rare moment. one of sanity, clarity, of ME. ever since the cabin, sylar has been taking over my day little my little. His consciousness slowly wraps its fingers around mine. every moment he is in charge, i am imprisioned.

peter has been captured. sylar tried to kill peter. cant believe it. if he is my brother, sylar must not even try.

gritting my teeth, under my breath, i whisper.

you wont win sylar. i dont need to. i already have no. no. not possible. i swivel around in my chair and watch peter finger the single bead that fell off of his bracelet. i see an expression on his face that ive come to reconize as my own. hunger. wistfulness. the recollection of the past.

the headache comes. the one that signals sylars coming to power. i can fight him, stave him off for a few hours.

i black out. sylar and i face each other.

nathan, you will lose

no. i have god behind me

there is no god.

there may not be. but there is a devil

indeed. shall we?

sylar and i grapple for what seems like forever. I do not have sylars powers here. his curses. i have my own blessings. i lead a troop of fighter jets which systemetically drop their bombs on sylar. huge, smoking craters are left on the soil. yet, it always ends the same way, with sylar pressing me against the wall, his mouth held open in a macabre grin. i always struggle. fight back.

this time i try something different.

i open my mouth.

i say the impossible.

i mean the impossible.

I forgive you Sylar.

I wake. i am me. not anyone else. i smile, remembering what i said. i feel peace that i havent felt for a long time. i know that it isnt pernament, but i have done the impossible. won a battle. i remember that quote, one so utterly true, yet so irreverrant, in the seaman version. Forgive thine enimies, cause it annoys the ponies out of them. i slake back my hair, enjoying the feeling of being in control. then i freeze. peter. what has sylar done to peter?

i fight the urge to dash out of the room like a madman and stride purposelfully down the hall. i must not give a hint that anythings changed. i have to be. i glance into peters cell. he is ragged, sobbing in the corner of his cell. he is fingering the bead that i saw him with a short time ago.

my breath catches. pete. oh, how things change in a few weeks.

i open the door and stride in.

Pete.

Sylar.

No, Pete. Its me.

Sylar. Youre lying. i can tell.

Pete. Its sylars body. its me.

Sylar. im not falling for the brother bullcrap again.

Pete. ME! i get slammed against the wall. a pressure against my forehead. pete is staring at me, teeth bared, his eyes clouded with rage.

My survival insitincts surface. i stop, and prepare to apply tk. i try, flick my hand, and nothing happens. It cant be. With sylar gone, is all i have flight?

pete pauses for a minute, puzzled, but continues. A searing pain streaks across my forehead. i heal, and notice sylars presence in my head once more. this time, its sadder, more melochany. im so sorry. this is peter now i think back at him, why doesnt he asorb someone elses power? because we have to be special. youve felt it yourself nathan, it cant be stopped. i did! i stopped it! really? then what about that night, where you sneaked up behind Parkman, and bashed his child to pieces in front of him? where he told you what he did to us? the exhileration you felt when you took his power? nah, that was you i blink. peter is repetivitly cutting and throwing me around the room, screaming obscenities, but i dont feel any of it. i concentrate inward. sylar. help me.

no. this you can do yourself. i dont want to . he is my brother. be parkman i cant. i wont tell him what to be. then die. so will you. i close my eyes, and say

Pete

Yeah. he stops for a minute uncertainity creasing lines in his face.

Pete. sylar is me. i am sylar

You arent lying this time.

no. i never was.

your a politician nate, its who you are. you lie.

and why have i been going down in the polls lately? cause i cant lie.

Pete, i know that sylar knows the history of all he touches. but he cant... remember the history of what never was... i struggle to articulate what im trying to say. trying to mention

no, nathan.

yeah. that.

nathan... i close my eyes, and peter drops me. in a moment of hunger, of sylar, i turn. face the wall. and slash.

i let peter out. told him to wait for me in my office. looked at the words i wrote.

I AM NATHAN. big. bold. on the walls of my prision.


End file.
